From the book of John Gray:" Mars and Venus"

Understanding how Martians and Venusians Define their Sense of Self

Without a positive understanding of some of the ways in which Martians and Venusians are different, it is easy to misinterpret and incorrectly assess each other. We can easily slip into negative and judgmental thinking. Pretending that we are from different planets and understanding that we must become bi-lingual (understanding that we use the same words but that they have different meanings to each gender) makes it easier to observe, respect and accept our differences. This leads to healthier, more harmonious and satisfying relationships at home with your partner, children or in the workplace.

One of the noteworthy ways in which Mars types and Venus types are different is in the way we primarily define our sense of self.

A man, above all, experiences his identity through his ability to achieve results at work and in the world. It is what he can see, what he does; the end result. A man defines his sense of self through his actions. At home and in the workplace, they are always doing things to prove themselves and to develop their power and skills.

A man defines his sense of self through his actions.

Martians value power, competency, efficiency, action, achievement, and accomplishment. They enjoy fulfillment primarily from achieving results and doing an excellent job. Men tend to be more interested in objects and things. Historically, they were the providers and protectors of the women and the family. Today however, men are being called upon to be more than just a provider and protector, more than what millions of years of evolution have dictated. He is being asked to learn how to nurture and support emotions.

How does a woman define her sense of self? It is generally through the quality of her relationships, how connected she feels to others, and how interactions and environments make her feel. Women value communication, connectedness, and relationships. At home and in the workplace, while Venusians respect efficiency and achievement, values like support, trust, and communication are often more important. They are interested in the quality of relationships, personal expression, and mutual support. They experience fulfillment by sharing, collaborating, and cooperating in the process of achieving greater success. Venusians value beauty, love, commitment, art, and again, how things make her feel. In a romantic relationship, it is feeling special, loved and adored: now that’s quality! Historically, women were the nurturers, so from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that they would be more interested in and focused on relationship.

A woman defines her sense of self generally through the quality of her relationships.

Naturally we are all a balance of these qualities, and with women spending more time in the workforce, more and more, her success and achievements have become an essential source of her identity. Similarly, with men developing their nurturing side and sharing the duties of home and child rearing, their pride and esteem is invested in doing a good job there too. Even with a blending of the roles, evolution, hormones, and brain structure still play a major part in what is instinctive for us: the way we think and what we think about.

Mars and Venus on a Date
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus